Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
