why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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