Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
