You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
