just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
