I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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