I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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