Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
