it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
