Even the bartender felt bad for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
