Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
