The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So drunk its hurt
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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