I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
