That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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