Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
