You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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