My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
