It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize