I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
