we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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