So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
