official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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