you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
