Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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