Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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