Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
