Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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