therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ugly people sure do ruin things
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
