are you still at the devil's house?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
