The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
