ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
