there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this will be a night to untag.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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