How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
