if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i love accidental penises.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
