just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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