can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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