i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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