that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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