Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
