I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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