I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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