Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
