ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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