Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
