My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
this is an emotional support booty call
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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