Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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