Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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