No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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