I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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