Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
