If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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