did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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