Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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