Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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