he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
