Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
