Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
