HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
