Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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