I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
