can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Randomize
