called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Found the puke drawer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
