Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I forget how to act sober
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