They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
